Lessons I'm learning.

Days pass here at Bard with random spurts of activities such as grabbing donuts for crew, cleaning kitchens, making lots and lots and lots of coffee, and listening to rain. It's been raining a lot here. Being surrounded by so many trees and the quietness of nature makes rain ten times more enjoyable. You can actually smell beauty, versus being stuck on a subway platform smelling the funk of some fool who just peed in the corner.

I've found pockets of time to just sit. Have you ever taken the time out to just sit? Nothing on the agenda, just a block of time of your day to look around and be. I never did this beforehand. When there was a chunk of time when I was bored, I had to have an activity to do; peruse Facebook on my phone, text a friend, Pandora, Buzzfeed, etc. I guess time sitting alone allocates thinking, and sometimes I hate thinking. Thinking about the bullshit I've been through, the goals I haven't met, the people who've hurt me, why I'm the way I am - avoiding the root of my insecurities. God, I hate thinking.

My life coach recently told me about twisting gears in my mind in trying to empty my mind of negatives and replace them with tiny goals and checkmarks. Once in the morning and once before bed.

Did you wake up today? Checkmark.
Are your friends here for you? Checkmark.
Smile. Checkmark.

Sounds so tedious to have to do this every morning and night, but it really helps. Even saying those things out loud helps. At least it gives me a sense of routine, which some say helps pull people out from dark places. It sets a precedent for the day. So I've been doing this, no matter what.


In other news, I'm halfway through reading Divergent (thank you for the suggestion Shae). That shit is good. I just finished the Hunger Games Trilogy about 3 years too late, but I thoroughly enjoyed them. I remember when I was 11 or 12, and would read a book a day. ONE BOOK PER FUCKING DAY. I used to get lost in them. I had no cell phone to distract me. No boys, no facebook, no PMS, no social standards to upkeep. I just had my books and the worlds they propelled me in. Divergent is doing that for me right now. Although I know I'm not 11 anymore, it's nice to pretend.