Thursday, June 26, 2014

The healthy balance.

To be happy or to be miserable, the choice is only mine. Funny enough, the line between these two very radical emotional states is actually quite thin. So thin, I can hardly stand it!

My life is full of positivity right now. I have the most influential friends, a surplus of fantastic work ahead of me, and thank Baby Jesus my health is up as well as the health of my mom and family. I can't even begin to summarize how blessed this year has been. Happiness crept up on me at the most vulnerable, deepest, darkest time of my life. I guess that's how it works sometimes.

But there are some times when I am just angry and bitter and hateful. Someone could be annoying me that day with a personality type that clashes with mine. I can't stop complaining about miniscule things, or questioning why I don't look a certain way, or why I lack so much self control. When I tell myself to stop sugar intake, I lose control. The same with my emotions. Why other people are rewarded tenfold, when I know for a fact they have been handed things nearly their entire life? And why do I even give a shit? That ain't MY life, so why is MY mind so wrapped up in other people's lives?

I believe that God is actively helping me pursue truth, at least once if not twice a day, by handing me experiences that test my patience. What if I feel like I am simply just running out of it? Like, what the FUCK. How do I keep producing this shit? Will I ever feel like my patience isn't tested?

My mind has been utterly scattered lately. Full of emotional baggage and clouds. I am having the best day and the worst day. Tribulations of being a woman!

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