Saturday, October 20, 2012


The world had given me a few reasons believe that I had the right to despise the efforts and energy put into a completely complicated, overwhelmingly dramatic and almost reckless concept: Love. 

This was until a few hours ago.

"Meant To Be."

Yesterday, my two good friends from college, Bethany and Jason, FINALLY tied the knot last night at Mission Inn in Riverside, Ca.

I have been in acting/musical theatre classes and shows with Bethany and Jason throughout my BFA experience at CSUF, always individually. I got to become friends with each of them on separate levels. I took classes with Bethany, and I did musicals with Jason. Like everyone else who knows them, can understand the light, positivity and just plain coolness they bring into the world. And knowing that these two AMAZING humans were destined to be life partners, and create an even more amazing that's just too much for my mind to handle. Like, seriously? Is this real? They also have amazing parents, which is just a sentiment to how much of a blessing this family is to the world. Come on!

By far, their wedding was one of the best weddings I have ever been to. It was an intimate wedding, dressed with violinists, gold and purple embellishments, and themes dedicated to theatre. The decor, the dresses and the atmosphere was impeccable.

However, what made the entire night -- for me, was witnessing the sentiment of "meant to be" ... become the truth. I was witnessing true love in my two friends, the union of it and seeing them as a husband marrying his beloved wife. The love that was so apparent between the two, anchored the night. We were there to celebrate the union of our two incredible (not to mention, talented as hell) friends -- who both deserved each other in every way. Of course, I cried every second.

I felt honored to be a witness in that. Like I had just won a golden ticket.

I was convinced that I had switched to the Dark Side. Like Slytherin done snatched up my heart, ya'll. I was certain that I had become a cynical, broken and bitter woman (insert imaginary cats), that had fallen out of love with the concept of love, if that makes sense. I knew how much work it took to create a working relationship in the modernized world: money, time, effort, texting, calling, Skyping, constant communication and the alignment of two worlds on the same page. I thought, "Love isn't enough. Love can't be the anchor. It takes too much work to make "love" work".

I misconstrued love with relationships. It takes work to make a relationship work, yes. Lots and lots of hard work and commitment. But there is no work involved to love someone. When you feel it, it takes over without effort. And maybe for a while, I gave up on that bullshit I called relationships and love because it never seemed to go as I planned. My heart was over drowning and bruising. That wretched term "meant to be" was COMPLETE BULLSHIT to me.

However, after last night, I realized: it was not. Cynical Jackie vanished. With my own two eyes, I saw a love manifest and witnessed my two friends marry, because Jason was meant to be with Bethany. Bethany was meant to be with Jason. They are perfect for each other in every way. The proof was there. My theory that I had thrown away in the trash, was proven right. "Meant to be" exists. It's rare, but it exists. And it should be cherished. For the past few hours, that's all that has been on my mind.

So, I guess I haven't given up on love yet. Relationships, for now, maybe.

 To the Oles: you both awakened a light in my heart last night. A heart that had so willingly doubted its power and constant vigor; awakening a little part of me I thought was gone.  Thank you.

I wish you both a million years of each other. 
love, love, LOVES!!