Saturday, August 25, 2012

6 month New York update.

This is a blog specifically written for a few friends of mine, who deserved to be thanked beyond belief.

I have encountered many, many hardships that truly I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy to ever have to endure. Each day is another battle at conquering how I dealt with those situations and how to move on properly and healthily. For some reason, what I am battling right now, although in hindsight, isn't that bad, the hardship I face today is truly one of the hardest I've ever had to deal with. Or at least, it just seems that way.


I have always wanted to live here. Since I knew it existed, and since I knew that this is the city with the key to many of my dreams, I told myself that one day, no matter what I did, I had to get here somehow. And I did. I'm here. I got a job, well now two, a great apartment, and my EQUITY CARD. It's absolutely a dream come true. With the support of my family, a financial blessing, and tons of networking, I moved here officially January 23rd, 2012. It has been exactly 6 months since signing my lease, and barely 3.5 months of physically living here in New York because of my excursion back to Southern California to do Miss Saigon. (Remember when I did that?).

BUT, I have been STRUGGLINGGGGGGGGG to find happiness here. It is coming much slower than I expected, and it's pretty much my own self to blame. Every single person I've talked to about this, have really reiterated so many things like, "It takes a solid 2-5 years to be acclimated"..."duh, it's hard"...."JACKIE GET OVER IT."

You guys, it's a lot harder than you think. I'm finally falling asleep without crying, or asking my mom to take me back home, ha. I am just homesick. And to the point where I often feel as if maybe moving here wasn't the right choice for my life. But deep down in my heart, I know it is. I know that moving here and attempting to accomplish my goals and dreams is meant to be. I just am fighting against it because I miss the comforts of home, community, and friendship.

In the midst of all my turmoil, in the past two weeks, I have never felt so much support or love from my friends and family in my entire life. If you didn't know this about me,
I am a HUGE fan of snail mail. 
Getting letters or cards in the mail makes me happier than just about anything. And I also love giving out cards and mailing letters. I just think that form of communication is so important and lacking in the world, that it shows true effort and love to write a letter, stick it in an envelope and have someone physically receive a gift of communication that day.

I wanted to thank my best friend Lisa, Lauren, Jenavene, Noelle, Sabrina and Lauren Devine for sending me custom made cards, pictures stolen from a certain studio, letters of encouragement, Starbucks gift cards, notes of support and love, post cards from freaking Thailand and Cambodia, and books that will get me through the day. I have never received so much in the mail before, and it just makes me see how far friendships can last even from NY to CA, it's undying and real.

Even though shit still seem sucky, I read through those cards almost everyday, and they have kept me going and have given me reasons to continue on my way here in the city. I really wanted to thank you guys for listening to my rants and complaints, for validating me when I KNOW I'M RIGHT, and correcting me when I was very wrong. Telling me to be the bigger person, or letting me know "Jackie, you're being fucking ridiculous". True friends tell it how it is, and I have a really wonderful group of real ass friends. So thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for helping me get through the rough patches.

I owe you. 


  1. This totally made me cry! I'm so sorry that it's hard but I am so glad you feel loved and cared for by all of us in Cali (well, I'm in NorCal now and I don't even know if we can call that Cali!). You are an inspiration to many and have walked each of us through our hard times, and I know God will use you and this experience in the future to comfort others. Much love! xoxo

  2. In some ways Jackie it is good to know you are homesick. It means you came from a really loving and stable place-- one that you KNOW will be there no matter what. I know for a parent, letting go of their little ones is dang hard for them too, yet we know the experience is for your own good. Just follow your deep down feelings and you will always choose the right. I am awful at snail mail- truly. I have written thank you notes for baby shower gifts from when the kids were born that I never mailed out....and Nathan will be 14 in a week or so. So forgive me for I KNOW I will fail you in that way, BUT my prayers soar high above it all and I think in it's own way will help more. Hang in and hugs, Lisa and Family