So much can change in a year. I decided to take a personal inventory day for myself to check in. You know, see what's up with yourself. It is my belief that I have morphed into what I believe is a better, healthier version of who I was 365 days ago. Although the journey is continuous, with many obstacles to come, who I am now is who I have always strived to be.
Here's a brief update on my Alopecia.
It's been 4 months and a week since I was diagnosed.
3 months and a week since I shaved my head.
2 months of topical treatment.
50% growth of my hair on my scalp.
The places on my scalp that have growth is essentially where my hair did not fall out. The spots on my head in which are affected show no real signs of growth. Bummer, for sure.
However, I still have hope for growth. Maybe in 6 months or a year.
Also, I no longer wear any of my wigs.
First of all, BECAUSE THEY SUCK!
God, they itch so bad.
They make my head so uncomfortable.
I get migraines from them.
Ugh, and maintaining them? Lord Almighty. I literally can't with brushing another wig.
Maybe I have shitty wigs.
But mostly, it was not helping my self-esteem - whatsoever. Wearing a wig would make me "feel normal" for a day, but the minute I would take it off, it would make me even more sad. The realization that my actual old "look" was temporary nearly killed me. I didn't like it. Wigs work for some people, and I encourage to use them when necessary. With practicing wearing them in the past three months, I've learned it's not for me. Personally, it was better to walk around as my genuine self with the possibility of getting stared at, versus blending in with everyone, knowing I wasn't being my true self.
Although there has been no physical growth, what I have learned in the past few months have been very helpful to the process. I've gained a lot of spiritual growth, if you will. Yayyyyy. :)
A very loving (and Grinchy) friend recently told me,
"Thank those who have given you gifts of laughter, love and even pain. Write it down. Thank them. Because they shape who you are and who you will become. Recognize their gift and power."
A wise man, Stefan is.
Lisa, Shae, Ali, Lauren, Sabrina.
Seth + Jenavene,
Eric, Vince, Nicole, Jayson, Hilary, Hannah, Aaron.
Those names I just listed may be somewhat recognizable to you, they are you, or they may remain completely irrelevant; however those people I listed, started a domino effect of implementing change into my life. And I mean big, big, change. In no particular order, and in whatever fashion they changed me, the point is -- people can help, people do help.
Thank you guys. Thank you for being there for me when I needed to change, wake up, or realize. Thank you for teaching me lessons. Thank you for holding my hand, for texting me, for telling me to get over it, or that being in this situation sucked really bad. Because sometimes, that's all I needed. Thank you for being incredibly courageous and for giving me reasons to continue to find happiness.
My goal for 2014 was to live and to thrive whilst doing so. I didn't want to worry about work, money, love, or career. What I wanted to was to live organically in the moment and take any opportunity that would come my way. What I gained from that was a year chock full of experiences. I no longer want that to be a mantra for 2014, but for my entire life. It is now no secret that I have Alopecia. What started off as a blog for my friends, continued and blossom into a new chapter of my life I had no idea was being written for me. There have been hours and hours and hours of prayer in hopes of finding a cure, an answer, or even for patience. Will this go away? Will I find solace? Will I live with this forever? I don't know. I still don't know. And it's beginning to not matter.
What I do know, is that ironically, I'm the happiest I've ever been in a really long time. I am living truthfully, in the moment, without any masks, guard, or barriers. My heart was full on tour, as Whoville tends to provide an overflow of joy. And, consider me the luckiest girl in the world, but I have found the love of my life. There are good things coming my way this year already...exciting and new. I also welcome the bad and the challenges. Either way, I am looking forward to sharing them with you.