Thursday, January 10, 2013

Who am I?

It is three sixteen in the morning. I am on a couch.
I live, I breathe and I seek.
I am twenty four years old.

You must wonder (actually, I wonder), why is it that I blog? Is it to formulate an opinion of some sort about the life I live? Is this to gain some sort of self confidence from spewing out my mind to try and promote myself? Do I have the advice it takes to influence others, or am I hopeful for that? No. Actually, not at all.

In my past life, a.k.a. middle school, I started a blog through Xanga. And then Greatest Journal. Then LiveJournal. Don't believe me? Ask my best friends, Colleen and Lisa, who as well, have their own personal middle school blogs.

Now we blogged back in the day, more like for other middle schoolers to read, and used it as an outlet when we were home. I went to a college prep school, which mean uniforms, hundreds of courses, and a 10-12 hour school day. Which left approx. the night and dawn to socialize via internet. So we did. This was before Myspace existed, and don't even think about Facebook. What the fuck was Facebook? But I knew what Angelfire was, or that one website where you would rate each others' pictures. Lord. I even created a website about Harry Potter. Where there was butterbeer. Fuck, what I would GIVE to remember that html site!

I've always blogged though. Moreso because I wanted to have a digital copy of some timestamp of my life. Even if I become famous, I may be a bit embarrassed about some of the things I wrote, but never ashamed. Because in the moment, it was truthful. Those moments burned. Those moments were real. God, those moments were great. I lived them, so I fucking wrote about it.

I blog for the purpose of going back, and seeing my life for what it was lived. And for my family and friends who live on opposite coasts than I do. I think it helps connect our lives on some sort of level, no?

I write because I absolutely love it. I love expressing myself, and this is one venue, in which I love. And want to be more passionate about.

But there is always a fine line, of keeping your thoughts to yourself these days. With so much social networking, sometimes, your heart is always out there. Even when you hide things, or delete them, or disguise a status as lyrics to a song, a quote from a bible, a YouTube video, or whatever cynical thing you have to comment about. It derives from you and that opinion of yours. And I can't help but be a bit honest about myself, and it just so happens to be through the internet. I love it.

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