Sunday, July 3, 2011

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4

I have always loved this verse.
I connect to it, as many do (or could) and always, regardless of what type of relationship, do my best to abide by those lines and apply them. During high school years, I went through a terrible record of being selfish. Just plain terrible. Not understanding what love was, and abusing the word for what it was painted as; some picturesque montage of celebrity kisses, or undertones of pinks and magentas, fake ass love songs, shitty pick up lines, and then feeling like a huge piece of shit took another shit on top of me when things "went wrong". I made tons of mistakes. And a few, if I could, would love to take back.

Demons have looked me straight in the eye, and would pound into my chest---pounding, pounding, pounding -- telling me the beautiful world I built was crashing before my eyes. led me to believe for a brief moment that I had no control over it. And I let it hurt me until I literally stopped believing in anything. God. Love. Marriage. I questioned the rights and wrongs of love, and spat on it. FUCK THAT, I said. No two people could possibly love each other so much, could stay together for a lifetime. It was impossible. Distance, change of pace, career choices, families, maturity, kids, things get in the way and change paths. I became sooo bitter; I could almost taste how negative I was becoming -- like venom seeping through my pores and into my veins. I was going to burst out of my skin like the motherfucking Hulk, shrieking with anger. Then one day, one measly, normal ass day, I realized I have control over so few things in the world, like my outlook. So I took control of it, and began seeking deeper and beyond my negativity. It led me to a safer place, that helped me find who I had quickly lost. I'm back again. Took a while, but I am slowly getting there.

I suppose I am still learning. I will forever be learning. But there are a few lessons I have picked up in the short duration of life that I have been blessed with. I cherish and value them, and will never let go of the treasures I've found along the way. I have learned how to communicate better, and stand up for myself. How to do my job as given, and not maneuver things that are definitely out of my own control. And how to be happy. Isn't that such a simple task, of the hardest things to really do? At least for me. Girl's gotta try. Might as well start young.

I trust in love. I trust in myself. These are the things I proclaim today, folks. You should too. :)

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