Thursday, December 2, 2010

Welcome, December.

This is just a picture of my Mom and I that I really like.

Deep sigh -- December. Advent, Whoville, homesick, Canada; just a few words that come to mind.


I will not wait until 2011 to make this goal into a New Year's resolution. It will be done beginning today.

Touring aside, and onto life: A major problem of mine often includes my habit of planning a bit too much. This includes and is not limited to: the next day, the next week, the next month, and even the next year. Maybe it is because planning eases my anxiety and the organization of it makes it feel a bit less insecure. Even though I cannot control anything that happens within the next minute of life that God has granted me, I still worry too much about the future. Don't get me wrong, my organization and planning skills are pretty legit, and I dare challenge someone to try me at a hefty price.


I have decided to kick back and relax. Wheeeew! Right?? Making this decision for my life has been so difficult, but I think that this is what I need for myself. I have been talking to my good friends about this, and they all agree that Jackie Nguyen needs to live life for right now. I have to enjoy life and it's good grace for what it is. If I keep worrying about the future, everything that is now will pass me by without me even noticing it.

A lot of this has to do with my relationship and my tendency to worry about things that haven't even happened or that I worry will or will not happen. Nothing in particular, but I know that I do get frustrated with myself for being unbelievably anal. For example, my boyfriend is very easy going, a free spirit and allows life to take him wherever it takes him. He is much like the wind. Free, but strong; constantly growing and moving on to different territories of life in which allow him to rise and fall amongst the universe.

I often work against this. I plan ahead, I make lists, I stand with my feet cemented to the earth, and let the wind blow right by--disabling it from lifting me above ground and flying me to an unexpected land. I will only walk when I am ready, wind or no wind.

The quality of being so easy going is what I'm striving for. And this is something I admire much in Willie, and also in a lot of people I have encountered lately. I certainly want my old soul to continue its long journey of discovering new ways of loving and helping, and I believe that letting go will only help.

I believe much of this also derives from my relationship with God. The pieces of the puzzle are slowly meshing together, and my faith is playing into a lot of how I view life nowadays. I am still searching, but it is becoming so joyful and pleasing. I just pray that the Lord continues to protect my heart and provide me with strength and resilience. It's all about quality of life, ya'll.


  1. I love this post. Girl, I know exactly what you're saying. I think by recognizing that you want to relinquish control you're already on the track to do so. I know how scary it is to "not be in conrol" but I have also learned how freeing that same thing is.

    I recently listened to a sermon about Advent. I never knew this but advent is a season of anticipation (yeah, I really should have known that) and the pastor was talking about enjoying the anticipation and allowing yourself to hope for things. Obviously our hope in Christ will never fail us but the pastor also mentioned even in areas of our lives that we've closed off or have been really hurt and burned by; that Christ can heal those areas and we can anticipate new hope for each of those (e.g. relationship with my father, relationship with a boyfriend, etc.) and the Lord can give us new capacities to hope for each of those.

    Anyways, that was really long but I was thinking maybe the reason we are such planners is because we're scared of the future instead of eagerly anticipating ANY blessings that are poured out on us?

  2. PS- I really love that picture of you and your mom too!

  3. Absolutely perfect. I needed that so much. I haven't been to church since tour, but I have been actively seeking, doing lots of research and bible study, and listen to Rock Harbor podcasts at any chance I get.

    This was the best though, advice from a really amazing friend. And I agree. We are SUCH planners, such organizers, and often overlook the hope. It's such positive thinking, and I think that we obsess over reassuring ourselves and that satisfaction that checking off a list gives us.


    So thankful for you, Noelle.