This is just a picture of my Mom and I that I really like.
Deep sigh -- December. Advent, Whoville, homesick, Canada; just a few words that come to mind.
I will not wait until 2011 to make this goal into a New Year's resolution. It will be done beginning today.
Touring aside, and onto life: A major problem of mine often includes my habit of planning a bit too much. This includes and is not limited to: the next day, the next week, the next month, and even the next year. Maybe it is because planning eases my anxiety and the organization of it makes it feel a bit less insecure. Even though I cannot control anything that happens within the next minute of life that God has granted me, I still worry too much about the future. Don't get me wrong, my organization and planning skills are pretty legit, and I dare challenge someone to try me at a hefty price.
I have decided to kick back and relax. Wheeeew! Right?? Making this decision for my life has been so difficult, but I think that this is what I need for myself. I have been talking to my good friends about this, and they all agree that Jackie Nguyen needs to live life for right now. I have to enjoy life and it's good grace for what it is. If I keep worrying about the future, everything that is now will pass me by without me even noticing it.
A lot of this has to do with my relationship and my tendency to worry about things that haven't even happened or that I worry will or will not happen. Nothing in particular, but I know that I do get frustrated with myself for being unbelievably anal. For example, my boyfriend is very easy going, a free spirit and allows life to take him wherever it takes him. He is much like the wind. Free, but strong; constantly growing and moving on to different territories of life in which allow him to rise and fall amongst the universe.
I often work against this. I plan ahead, I make lists, I stand with my feet cemented to the earth, and let the wind blow right by--disabling it from lifting me above ground and flying me to an unexpected land. I will only walk when I am ready, wind or no wind.
The quality of being so easy going is what I'm striving for. And this is something I admire much in Willie, and also in a lot of people I have encountered lately. I certainly want my old soul to continue its long journey of discovering new ways of loving and helping, and I believe that letting go will only help.
I believe much of this also derives from my relationship with God. The pieces of the puzzle are slowly meshing together, and my faith is playing into a lot of how I view life nowadays. I am still searching, but it is becoming so joyful and pleasing. I just pray that the Lord continues to protect my heart and provide me with strength and resilience. It's all about quality of life, ya'll.