Monday, October 18, 2010

Some things will never change.

Here I am in Times Square. It looks almost like a fake backdrop, doesn't it? New York City is so ugly in the best ways. It smells like shit, the people are rude as fuck, but it's alive and raw. Jill Jacobs took that picture a week ago, when we were out and about, chit-chatting about the good and bad in this amazing yet complicated place we deem as earth. We talked about God, we talked a LOT about relationships, and we talked about goals. It's an amazing feeling to know that you have accomplished one of your big goals, and that you and God made it happen. That partnership in my life is so necessary right now.

Well, today was my second day off in two weeks of rehearsal. Praise JESUS because I was getting burnt the fuck out. I just need some tender, love, and care. Although rehearsals are grueling, it's exciting to get closer to my cast, and to see the show being molded together quite well. We all went out for some margaritas last night, which was amazing!

I took this picture (to the right) on the ferry back to Staten Island from Manhattan. Isn't it beautiful?

These are my favorite moments in New York. When I get irritated, lonely, and feel like I'm about to give up, I just wait for the ferry ride home to relax and live in it. Especially when I make it in time to see the sunset. I think, "How the fuck did I get here?" It's an amazing feeling really. And I think, as much as I wish my significant other, best friends or family members were sitting right next to me, I think that it was a bit of purposeful planning on the Homie upstairs that I am alone. I am just taking time for myself to reevaluate my priorities, and to just not think for once. I think too fucking much about everything. Every minute, every step, every text message, every phone call, EVERYTHING. And I never take time to just live in the moment, and to enjoy it. So I have been doing a lot of that lately.

Although I am somewhat calm right now, I have not been for the past few days. My bicep hurts like hell, which affects my performance during rehearsals. I've gotten lost a few times on the subway, which is so frustrating and I've been super aggravated because I think that long distance sucks. It takes discipline, enthusiasm, and hard work to either make it work, or put up with what's not working. Dunno which one I'm accomplishing at the moment to be quite frank. And maybe I set certain expectations a little too high. But I have been given this challenge as a test of patience, I think. I'm running very low on it, but I think I'm doing a good job at learning how to be positive about a situation. And although I have never been surrounded by so many people in my life, New York is a very, very, lonely city. Good luck with interacting with people when all they do is listen to their Ipod, ignore you, or yell at you for no reason.

I'm going to take a shitload of pictures this week of rehearsal and New York to update my blog with tons of visual updates soon!

1 comment:

  1. I've heard that NY is lonely. Yes, God is forcing you to see Him instead of all those who normally crowd the space (e.g. friends, boyfriends, daily habits etc.) I love that you're so raw and open, I pray your eyes fall upward and never cease to look away from God who is Holy. I love you girl!