At this point, I want nothing more than to spend time with my love ones and to show them that they are important and mean the world to me. However, what do you do, when the people you love most, begin to push you away? Like snipping threads of a relationship off slowly, one stitch at a time, and all you can do is watch them slip away? How am I supposed to do my part, if it just backfires at me? I have no means of controlling how another person feels, especially how they feel about me. I am an anchor, I know it. I hate feeling like I am holding someone back from happiness or freedom, because it is the exact opposite of how I feel.
It pains me to feel this type of sorrow. I have terrible anxiety, which makes sleeping a living hell. I feel alone and weak. I am alone and weak.
I have been searching for answers from all venues. I beg, I kick, I scream and weep. My friends are sick of my cracking voice, with questions that repeat over and over and over and over and over. I've invested time in even talking to my mom about certain things, and even with her comforting tone, and motherly instincts to caress my back as I cry into her chest, I am still left feeling alone. Now, I have turned to God. In multiple ways. Mostly by prayer, secondly by church. I have always kept God in my life, more actively in times, less actively in others. & now, I am compelled to allow God's plan to release me, and hopefully fill my heart.
Why am I just not important anymore?